YO HO HO!!!!

You Are A Pirate!


What Type Of Swashbuckler Are You?
brought to you by Maddog Varuka & Dawg Brown

HAPPY 76th BIRTHDAY HAROLD TOWNE GERRISH

You made it!! What an amazing man you are. From Augusta, Maine to Dover-Foxcroft, Maine. Not so far in miles, but what a lot you've accomplished in between. Coney High School, University of Maine for Engineering then Tufts Dental School. You've got great stories as a cab driver in Boston while studying there. Playing for Arthur Fiedler with the Boston Pops is truly an excellent accomplishment. What then? I really don't know. How did you end up in Dover? I must ask. I don't know how you met your 1st wife & I'll leave THAT alone, lol. But thank you for doing so because I now have 2 more awesome brothers & 2 awesome sisters! You hosted 2 foreign exchange students from Sweden, I think it was & Switzerland. The weirdest thing is taking in the Footman kids. I remember them from Brewer when I was in K/1st grade. I think Julie babysat me. Then we moved to Hampden & I never gave them a 2nd thought. Then they re-entered my life, kinda sorta, when we entered your life. Who EVER would have guessed that their parents were friends of yours & when they died in an accident, you'd take them in?
18 or so years later, Mimi leaves abruptly but just abruptly, my mom, brother & myself move in. Hmmmm. See life change in an instant. We move from a tiny home to the biggest one in town. I lost a lot of friends but eventually made some REAL friends. Turns out some of the people who decided I was a 'rich bitch' because I lived at the farm, regret that behavior & we're frinds again. It's a weird world. You provided me with sooooo, soooo many opportunities that I would never otherwise have had it's unbelievable. Sorry, I just am NOT into skiing. But I appreciate your immense support with the horses. The greatest being the horse trials that we had to leave by 3am for. you said if I was ready to go, you'd drive me. Surprise, surprise!! I got ready!! OMG, what else....
Kiwanis...you are a legend in the New England District & probably beyond.

to be continued....

Now HERE is something to think about...

February 10, 2006
Needless Fear
Worry
We have all had the experience of worrying about something at some point in our lives. Some of us have a habitual tendency to worry, and all of us have known someone who is a chronic worrier. Worry is an extension of fear and can be a very draining experience. In order for worry to exist, we have to imagine that something bad might happen. What we are worrying about has not happened yet, however, so this bad thing is by definition a fantasy. Understood this way, worry is a self-created state of needless fear. Still, most of us worry.

One reason we worry is because we feel like we're not in control. For example, you might worry about your loved ones driving home in bad weather. There is nothing you can do to guarantee their safe passage, but you worry until you find out they have reached their destination unharmed. In this instance, worry is an attempt to feel useful and in control. However, worrying does nothing to ensure a positive outcome and it has an unpleasant effect on your body, mind, and spirit. The good news is that there are ways to transform this kind of worry so that it has a healing effect. Just as worry uses the imagination, so does the antidote to worry. Next time you find that you are worrying, imagine the best result instead of anticipating the worst outcome. Visualize your loved ones' path bathed in white light and clearly see in your mind's eye their safe arrival. Imagine angels or guides watching over them as they make their way home. Generate peace and well-being instead of nervousness and unease within yourself.

Another reason we worry is that something that we know is pending but are avoiding is nagging us-an unpaid parking ticket, an upcoming test, an issue with a friend. In these cases, acknowledging that we are worried and taking action is the best solution. If you can confront the situation and own your power to change it, you'll have no reason to worry.


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ARRR, me hardies!!

My latest form of entertainment is at Recipezaar. I plan on entering a few original recipes into Ready, Set, Cook! Alongside this contest is a game called Food, Friends & Fun! The focus of the recipe contest is the Caribbean & the theme of the game is pirates!! It's kind of like a team treasure hunt & so much fun!! Here's my pirate name:

My pirate name is:

Morty Rackham

You have the good fortune of having a good name, since Rackham (pronounced RACKem, not rack-ham) is one of the coolest sounding surnames for a pirate. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from fidius.org.

Be inspired...

an effort to clean out my inbox...


October 18, 2004
Tough times never last, tough people do.
Robert Schuller


June 17, 2005
Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.
Ralph Waldo Emerson


December 31, 2005
"The great man is he who does not lose his childlike heart."
– Mencius


January 9, 2006
"To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom."
– Bertrand Russell


January 11, 2006
"Be happy. It's one way of being wise."
– Colette


January 19, 2006
"Become so wrapped up in something that you forget to be afraid."
– Lady Bird Johnson

Angels, etc...

Do you believe in angels? I do. I know my Grandmother is hovering over me most, if not all, of the time. I just don't feel alone. And Beliefnet sent me some unsolicited email but it caught my attention & I looked a little further. They'll send you daily 'Angel Wisdom'. It's really quite interesting - lots of stories people have submitted about their experiences that can't be explained beyond 'my angel helped me'. The stories are intriguing. The ideas are comforting.

My Dad has been diagnosed with quite possibly the rarest cancer known: Blastic NK-Cell Lymphomas (Agranular CD4+CD56+ Hematodermic Neoplasms). Now, NK = Natural Killer. Seems to me they could come up with a more scientific sounding name than THAT! Dad is #101 to receive this diagnosis ever on this planet. I always knew he was a special man, but C'MON!

FWIW, here's a blurb: Blastic natural killer (NK) cell lymphoma, also termed CD4+CD56+ hematodermic neoplasm (CD4/CD56 HN) is a rare clinical entity encompassing distinct genetic, morphologic, etiologic, and diagnostic criteria. Since 1994, several individual cases or small series of CD4/CD56 HN cases have been reported as distinct entities using an array of names.[1-19] It has been suggested that CD4/CD56 HN originates from the NK-cell lineage mainly because the tumor cells express the CD56 surface antigen. In the current World Health Organization (WHO) classification of lymphoid malignant neoplasms, the diagnostic entity termed blastic NK-cell tumors has been proposed for tumors satisfying the diagnostic criteria for CD4/CD56 HN.[20] However, there is scant evidence for an NK-cell lineage origin, and the precise derivation was not asserted in the WHO classification scheme.


Makes a lot of sense, huh? Our family went from the best Christmas ever to this. He didn't feel well when he left my sister's on Wednesday 12/28 & went to the doctor Thursday to be immediately admitted. I got this call while I was in Connecticut as I was headed back home from my sisters. From our small town, Maine hospital he went to Bangor the nearest city(1 hour away). On Friday night, I get a call that they are looking at blood cancers. It was right after my daughter's basketball game & I am outside screaming. Nice. A few days later, the strain gets to me. My siblings - his blood children - are all flaking out in one direction or another - various forms of denial. I lose it in the parking lot. Bawling my eyes out...no holds barred. Now people avoid me. Even though my rational, sensible self has returned. *rolling eyes*

The docs in Bangor checked out every possible thing, said, "we can't figure it out - off to Boston w/you!" He got a 4 1/2 hour ride to Boston in an ambulance!!! At this point, Mom is a basket case. She heads home to pack a bag & head for Boston but finds a flat tire. How to add insult to injury. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger? Enough already! She calls our mechanic in Dover & he sends someone after her & the van. She takes dad's car to Boston. SHE isn't driving in downtown Beantown but we're very lucky to have very close friends in 'metrowest' who will give her a place to stay & drive her in. This is actually the widow of dad's best friend who died of cancer last summer. Unbelievable all around.

He's at Dana Farber Cancer Institute Saturday - Monday. Yes, over New Years. They finally decide they need a bone marrow autopsy. He says he is NOT sitting there while waiting for the results & heads home. A week later we receive this horrible diagnosis. They schedule massive chemo almost immediately although it seemed like forever. And he is doing well. He's alive. He isn't *supposed* to be alive. He feels good. He's not *supposed* to feel good. His bloodwork looks good. It's not *supposed* to look good. He gets tired, he's irritated that it takes so long at the hospital to receive transfusions & chemo. He wants to work; he's bored & a bit lonely. But, as a friend of his said to me, "I've never seen Hap back down from a fight; he's not going to start now."

I found the general consensus re: treatment response: Currently, there is no effective curative treatment for CD4+CD56+ hematodermic neoplasms. After excisional biopsy, diagnosis, and clinical staging, patients are treated with polychemotherapy for either acute myeloid malignancy or high-grade non-Hodgkin lymphoma. Although most patients respond favorably to initial chemotherapy treatment, they invariably experience relapse at extracutaneous sites, such as the bone marrow. After marrow involvement, patients quickly progress into a leukemic phase and die shortly thereafter. Marrow involvement appears to be a bad prognostic indicator.

And yes, it's already in his bone marrow. Did I mention that this is VERY BAD?

Where was I? Angels.....

I'm again not convinced there's a God. There's too much bad in this world. Jesus probably lived. Mary was more likely impregnated by a man & made up a story so she wouldn't get in trouble. Believing is difficult. But angels, I can believe in. I can't describe any miracles besides my Dad's life. I can pray. Not sure who I'm praying TO, but I'm praying incessantly.

TODAY'S ANGEL WISDOM:
If your angel has helped you today, give the praise and glory to God.
-Eileen Elias Freeman,"The Angels’ Little Instruction Book"

*sigh* So I need to believe in God to believe in angels? I'll think about it, ok? It has been explained to me that there are angels all around. They want to help us, they just need to be asked. How about angel mail? Did you know you can write a letter to someone else's angel to ask for guidance? Lord knows I need all the guidance I can get. Directions are provided:

Steps for Mailing Requests to the Angels
1.Define your request.
2. Write your request on a piece of paper. Specify the angel you are addressing, for example:"To the guardian angel of ____________" or "To the prosperity brokers" or "To the highest angel of ____________." Somewhere in your request, include the phrase "for the highest good of all concerned." Close your request with an expression of gratitude. "Thank you, God" is always good.
3. If there are any people who might interfere with the fulfillment of your requests, write to their guardian angels and ask that anything that might block your progress with those people be removed.
4. Fold and seal your letter, find a special place for it, and consider it mailed.
5. Wait for a response, which may come in the form of intuition, opportunities for action, or feelings, such as peace of mind and knowing that all is well.

Fascinating, huh? All this comes from the fallout of a lethal diagnosis. My mom needs a house. They live on a huge piece of property on the backside of a lake & she can't live there alone in the winter, nor can they afford it w/Dad not working. So the family camp is for sale. Do I give up just about everything including being a SAHM, vacations, extras, new furniture, a new car (mine has 60,000+ right now) to try to keep the property in the family? This also means marriage counseling. It looks like if we can't get the loans necessary, a divorce is on the horizon. But is THAT the worst thing to happen? What would that do to the girls? Would Rebecca be able to continue ballet? I wouldn't be able to be Nicole's Daisy leader because I'd have to work. Could I maintain my kids lives similar to now as a single mother? At this point, I'd rather stay in an unhappy marriage so my kids can be kids. Plus, it would be unreasonably cruel if they lost their grandfather, summer home, and father all in one fell swoop. As it is they cry ever week when he goes back to work out of state. SOOOOOOO many things to consider, my mind is reeeeeling. As it also happens, my childhood sweetheart - actually summer love, just left his wife. Maybe it's our turn? Somewhere I was looking at a horoscope and it said this was going to be a year of BIG changes. The planets are aligning, I just don't know how it will all work out. For the best, I'm sure. And I have angels on my side. Thank God.

More Ommmmmmmmmmm....

With the news of my Dad's horrendous lymphoma diagnosis and and all that comes with it as well as my paltry excuse of a marriage, I have found some wisdom in these daily Om's. So, I'd like to share...

January 31, 2006
Regardless Of Outcome
There Are No Wrong Decisions
Many of us have a hard time making decisions. We fear that if we choose the wrong partner, then we'll be stuck in an unhappy relationship. Or, if we make the wrong financial decision, we'll make a bad investment. Yet, there are no wrong decisions. Perhaps we could, at times, make different choices regarding our relationships, personal pursuits, careers, or the right color of paint we should buy for our bedroom. Yet, regardless of the outcome, we always gain valuable experience or insights from any choice we make.

Making a decision is always better than making no decision at all. At least we had the courage to decide, take a chance, and make a move in a particular direction. We can't take action unless we make a decision first. And, a decision is never wrong because we always gain something from it - whether we get what we thought we intended or learn a valuable lesson. Sometimes, we need to follow through on a decision to realize that we don't really want what we thought we did.

For instance, maybe you always wanted to live in a big city, so you leave family, friends, and a secure job in a small town to move across the country. However, once you get there, you find out that you don't really like city life. You never could have known that unless you tried it. So, you move back home, all the more appreciative of small town living. Rather than constantly wondering what else is out there, you are now able to fully embrace your surroundings and the direction your life there is taking. Your decision to move to the city did work out - just not in the way that you envisioned. While our decisions may not always lead us to what we thought we wanted, we always end up with what will ultimately make us happiest. Being able to make decisions is one of life's privileges. Exercise your right to fearlessly decide.

OMMMMMMMMM.......

February 6, 2006
The Great Transformer
Loving What You Hate
Hatred can be irrational, and it has a greater impact on the individual who hates than the person or object being hated. Yet overcoming hatred is difficult because hatred reinforces itself and causes greater enmity to come into being. The most powerful tool one can use to combat hatred is love. Deciding to love what you hate, whether this is a person, situation, or a part of yourself, can create a profound change in your feelings and your experience. There is little room for anger, dislike, bitterness, or resentment when you are busy loving what you hate. The practice of loving what you hate can transform and shift your emotions from hatred to love, because there is no room for hatred in a space occupied by love.

Granted, it is difficult to forgo judging someone, love your enemy, and seek the good in situations that seem orchestrated to cause you pain or anger. But in deciding to love what you hate, you become one less person adding negativity to the universe. On a simple level, loving what you hate can help you enjoy your life more. On a more complex level, loving what you hate sets you free because you disengage yourself from the hatred that can weigh down the soul. Responding with love to people radiating hatred transmutes their negative energy. You also empower yourself by not letting their negativity enter your personal space. Rather than lowering yourself to the level of their hatred, you give the other person an opportunity to rise above their feelings and meet you on the field of love.

Gandhi once said, "Be the change you want to see in the world." Loving what you hate sends a positive, beautiful energy to people while spreading peace and harmony throughout the planet. Instead of reinforcing hatred, you become an advocate for love. Hatred responds to hate by causing anguish. But hatred responds to love by transforming into blissful peace.


February 6, 2006
Thankful Hearts
Aquarius Daily Horoscope
The expressive mood you are in today can help you impact others in a positive way. Confidence may be the key, as you may now feel self-assured enough to know that you can touch the lives of others in positive ways. There are many ways you can utilize your desire to give and express yourself to others. Consider interceding in the life of a loved one who needs help but is encountering difficulty accessing the services they require. You may also want to work with individuals who could use some cheering up. Offering kindness and companionship to someone who is not having the best of days can raise their spirits and yours. You may find that those you help will offer you sweet words of gratitude.

The gratitude you receive when you touch someone's life in a positive way can be a beautiful gift. When you're on the receiving end of someone's thankfulness, it becomes easy to see that you have the power to be a force for constructive change. Gratitude can make you more optimistic because your actions are proof that there is always the possibility that something good is right around the corner. And when you're feeling down, the appreciation you receive when helping others can lift your spirits. It can also go a long way in demonstrating to you that you can be a valuable asset to others through your efforts. When you help others today, the gratitude you receive will touch your heart and enrich you.